Bring back Trotsky

My local postman is a good friend. He's also a bit of a socialist so I affectionately dubbed him Trotsky the Postman.

The thing is that he works overtime AND does a part-time job in the evening to feed himself, his wife and his kids, so when the local Royal Mail decided to 'cut costs' and merge his postal round with another one, he did the math, realised he'd be doing twice as much work for the same money and thought... Fuck That! So he moved to a shorter round.

And then they drafted in this other postie, but when I clocked him staring through the window at my PC setup it reminded me to turn the house into Fort Knox, add extra security bolts & deadlocks to the doors and get the insurance sorted. He also handed me a parcel one day telling me there was coffee & chocolates in it. The cheeky bastard, he'd had a good squint at the small print to have known that!

Now that he too has realised it's a crap round he's also gone to an easier route and we have our second new postman in as many weeks. And what complete muppet he is!

Seriously, this new guy is obviously a complete nob. Sorry, I meant noob; he doesn't have his Royal Mail uniform yet, just a fluorescent jacket, he runs like a mincer and he's always late. The mail used to get here between 8 and 9 in the morning, as regular as clockwork. Trotsky would always have time for a cheery hello and a chat once in a while.

But the new guy...? Oh no; he was here gone 1pm on Monday, well after midday yesterday and today... Ha, today was something else.

He parked up at about 11am, delivered some parcels first, came back to his car, delivered the letters, dropped an empty envelope on my drive, came back to pick it up, realised it was empty, left it, minced up the road to deliver more letters, came back to his car, drove up the road, delivered more post, minced a bit more, came back and handed out the letters he'd forgotten to give to my neighbours, got handed back a letter from a passing neighbour that had gone in the wrong letterbox, drove away, came back 30 minutes later, popped another package through my door and drove off again...

He might be doing his best, god bless him, but without a doubt he is totally fucking useless! Can anyone recommend a name for this new guy?

Bring back Trotsky, that's what I say.