Farnborough Freakshow

I took my buddy to the pub last night for a few birthday beers and we sat outside in the warm spring air, watching the world go by...

1. There was a short stocky guy at the bar when we walked in. He obviously thought he was a bit hard and liked everyone to know that, with his muscle shirt and stance like he had stinging nettles for armpit hair. So when he rang his mate on his mobile phone he just HAD to announce LOUDLY that he was going to BOXING that night.
   
   
2. Outside there was a large number of chav wankers sitting on a wall next to the chip shop... I can't remember if there were ten or not... but if one chav wanker should accidentally fall... there'd be nine chav wankers sitting on the wall...
   
   
3. The bloke who thought he was hard appeared next in the car park shouting loudly at some builder-type guy, mouthing off, shouting, acting the big man, giving this over-exaggerated swagger like he was the toughest guy in Farnborough... REAL tough when you consider he's holding a beer bottle in one hand... So the builder guy walks away and our tough guy launches a bottle at him, which bounces off and lands on the road in a few sharp pieces... really upstanding, nice one!
   
   The landlady comes out and apologises for their behaviour.
   
   I go pick up the glass before someone gets a puncture.
   
   
4. On a hot spring night you have to leave the windows open - even the pub toilet windows. So I can't work out what smells worse - urinals with piss or urinals with those blue chemical cubes they use to make it smell "fresher"...?
   
   Needless to say we moved from the table near that window to one nearer the smell of cigarettes...
   
   
5. Talking of which... some chavs walked past and asked if we had any spare cigarettes... My mind kept saying "fuck off" which would have been rude, to be replaced by "be off with you, child of proud social deprivation" only for my tact & diplomacy circuits to finally present "Nah, sorry mate" to my vocal outbox.
   
   
6. Why does almost every car that drives past have a BIG EXHAUST and have to be driven hard in second gear? When chavs get driving licences this is exactly what happens.
   
   
7. What is it with BMW drivers? Know from this day hence that "Hey everybody look at me I've got a BMW" means "I'm overcompensating for my tiny tiny penis"
   
   
8. Why is it that just when you're about to walk down to the curry house some friends turn up and keep you at the pub for longer than you intended? Don't you just hate that?
   
   
9. Walking home on a hot night is great.
   
   
10. Biking to the pub on a sunny morning to rescue your car instead of having a tea break is also great... I'll be back in 10...