I hate my fucking job

Actually, that's not true... I don't hate my fucking job... I just hate the company I work for.

And that's not really true either... I don't actually hate the company I work for, I just think their name is fucking stupid.

And, what's more, they're lucky I don't blog so much about them either because, believe me, there's more than a novel's worth of crap about them... and that would earn me FAR more than they pay me!

You see, you may have noticed that I've not been blogging so much of late, and for that I apologise. It's just that we've been really busy with adjusting to a new house & a new life and there's tons of stuff to do. And after staring at a PC screen for some 8+ hours a day, the last thing you want to do when you come home is stare at the screen some more. So what I'm really saying is: blame them for my absence, for spoiling my fun on the Internet, for not being around so much, for not visiting my friends as much as I'm used to and for not spilling my guts here as regularly as I'm needing.

4 years ago when I started working from home, it was all cool. Work from home! Sounds great! Well, it is and it isn't.

It's good to get up "when you want" and to have cups of tea whenever you need... to sit in your underwear all day, to be on the phone chatting to clients butt-naked, to take a little longer than normal for your lunch, watch the lunchtime news from the sofa whilst tapping away at your laptop and maybe falling asleep at your post 'cos your so damn tired.

Conversely it drives thee up the wall being in the same place for work, rest & play, blurring the edges of the "9-5" with the geekdom of the thing you love the most, the thing that earns you a crust and yet craving some human interaction, even looking forward to receiving goods you brought off Amazon or eBay because you'll get to speak to the postman or some random delivery driver.

But then it's all not so bad but when you have the novelty of being drawn into work to do the same job from the office that you do from home, to see the sights & sounds on the way to work, to whizz by the airport that brings so much business to this town and yet nobody local sees any change in lifestyle or any increase money, to get stuck behind some arsehole on your 4-mile commute, to be greeted by the cheery receptionist every morning, to look forward to breakfast turning up on the chuck-wagon, the friendly banter of the unknown workers from another company in the same building, the drive home in rush-hour...

And it's that bit inbetween that really pisses me off... It's not a problem rolling in at 9:15 after the school run, it's just that the 4 mile drive takes so long in this busy commuter town. Out of the office I used to start anytime between 7 and 9, now it's 9:15 every day. I could be at home by 9am but no, they want me in the company HQ so I waste a quarter hour battling roadworks & sleepy drivers, roll in to a dark tiny office and stare at the same magnolia-covered, claustrophobia-inducing walls for as long as my sanity dares me.

But then I'd naturally finish at about 7pm or later, depending on my mood. Sometimes 5:30pm but only if I'd accomplished 8 hours of work. That's the nature of being in the Internet, of being into computers... You do what you must, even if you don't get a decent wage or paid any overtime! 20 hours days were known a few years back...

And for that very reason: the poky little office, the magnolia walls, the masses & masses of paperwork that, for some bizarre reason, litter the home of an Internet company, the tiny little windows, the lack of natural light, the absence of a lush garden or a street of suburban activity that inspire the soul by gently reminding you that you're alive, that you too are part of the human race, no kiss from your girl or cats on your lap, and then that scramble to get home....

Yes, it wears me out, yes, it gives me a headache EVERY FUCKING DAY, yes, my eyes hurt, yes, it pisses me off, yes, it grinds me down.

No, I don't want to work past 5:30 in that shitty little office, no, I'm not any more productive, infact I'm far LESS productive, no, I don't want you to skip my pay review for another year, no, I'm not happy earning the same as I did 4 years ago, no, I'm not keen to know far more and earn far less...

You'd be forgiven for thinking I'm pissed off right now, but I'm actually "as happy as a pig in shit"... and yet it's the forced nature of my working environment that's now messing with those 8 hours of my life everyday...

For fuck's sake just let me stay at home and work on a 2/3 day rotation system, you'll thank me for it... Otherwise I'm just going to have to publish my journals... And I don't think you're going to want that... !

P.S. The choral harmonies of the track "Wish (Komm zu mir)" from "Run Lola Run" were embedded in my head until I wrote this post... now it's...

"I'm so tired,
I'm so sick and tired,
And your prejudice won't keep you warm tonight."

(Oh, the devil will find work for idle hands to do)

One of you knows who it is. Well, maybe two, if the Mancs come back... Oh woah hoa ;)