I was watching a repeat episode of “Never Mind the Buzzcocks” tonight and for those of you who don’t know it’s a brilliant British musical quizz/comedy show, or at least it was in the days of the acid-witted Mark Lamarr.
One of tonight’s guests was some bloke introduced as Donny Tourette, “punk” and front man of the band “Towers of London”. Now I’m usually a pretty damn good judge of character and this geezer instantly struck me as being a sham. He had this air about him, like he was playing up to the audience, pretending to be a bad boy for the cameras, sneering, and yet never quite convincing enough that he was for real.
Well, I wasn’t the only one – the members of the show latched-on to the same vein and started taking the piss too. At one stage Donny Tourette, a name strangely reminiscent of Jonny Rotten or Sid Vicious, had walked away from the stage, probably for a slash. He came back and later started smoking a cigarette, to which the compère, Simon twatty whateverisnameis, said something along the lines of “Ooh, smoking! Whatever next?”
Yeah, rock and fucking roll, Donny, you’re such a bad boy. And Donny? Is that short for Donald? Donald Tourette? No. His real name’s Patrick Bunnyhop or something like that. Twat.
Just to prove Donny Tourette’s “I’m a punk, honest” credentials, the show even played some footage of him having some sort of outburst on a documentary where he toed the “Do you know who we are?” line and came out with the fabulous quote “We dick on the Sex Pistols” Well, Donny, the Pistols were manufactured but at least they were more real than you mate, and much as I admire John Lydon I wouldn’t put my dick on him, you fucking idiot.
Now just to prove I’m not just being a bitch, you might wanna check out Donny Tourette, Not Quite A Bad Boy! You’ve just gotta love the quotes from his former college drama teacher, like;
“The Patrick that I saw on the opening night of Celebrity Big Brother is not the Patrick I know. He was an extremely polite, well mannered boy who would always go out of his way to help others.”
Yeah, punk rock, Donny! Or there’s the old friend who said;
“He used to be clean-cut and a nice guy. He wasn’t the cursing, arrogant type at all. I couldn’t believe that was the same person I saw on Big Brother because he would never swear. He was really well spoken, a proper posh boy.”
Oi mate, you’re fucking rumbled!
Now, to finish off check the video of Donald Patrick Bunnyhop Tourettes falling over and then roll on the floor at the comments, particularly the ones of “blah blah I’m a REAL Punk” Makes me fucking laugh that does… Unemployed, depressed & disillusioned? No future in late 1970s England have you? No? Then fuck off!
Real/Fake… Ironic isn’t it?
Punk is Dead. Long Live Punk!
</rant>
music, rant
