Black Hole II

When you're at the helm of the company inbox you get to see some funny email like...

1. Spam. Junk Email. TONS of it. Yes, Red, me too ;) Maybe it's because the company insists on retaining the email addresses of employees that haven't worked here in FOUR FRIGGING YEARS!!!
   
   AND the new fangled exchange server has all its anti-spam functions hobbled for some god-knows-what reason so I have to manually delete this shit, TONS of it, every day. Aaargh.
   
   
2. Feedback from Morons:
   
   This one guy whom I won't name sent an email entitled "SPELLING !!"
   
   He then went on at length, WITH CAPS LOCK ON (probably some homo AOL user) to say how boring the company website was (true), how difficult it was to find our contact details (fair enough) and that our "CONTACT DETAILS SHOULD BE THE FIRST" on our website. The first fucking WHAT? First thing I see or program in HTML is usually a logo you silly tosser!
   
   Then he said that by not having our contact details so prominent it was "AS THOUGH YOU ARE FRIGHTENED OF COMMENTS OR CRITISISM"
   
   Well, two things here, Mike. You don't mind if I call you Mike, do you? Yes, I agree that the contact details may not be so obvious and quite possibly there may very well be an element of fear of negative feedback at this company. But as for the subject line of your email "SPELLING!!" you have just misspelled the word CRITICISM. It's C-R-I-T-I-C-I-S-M not C-R-I-T-I-S-I-S-M you stupid fucking hypocritical oaf.
   
   And then finally our friend Mike gets to his point - He at last tells us that we misspelled the word BROUGHT. We Missed out an R and said BOUGHT. Ooops! Sorry. A minor misdemeanour.
   
   But it doesn't stop there... He then goes on to tell us that having that ONE little mistake "SHOWS A BASIC LACK OF EDUCATION" What? One typo out of many hundreds of thousands of words and you tell me I have a basic lack of education...?
   
   Look here, Mike D******** of N****** you stupid c***; switch CAPS LOCK OFF, get a better ISP, check your own spelling before you slag others off and go stick your marinated chicken breast products up your arse!
   
   
3. Requests from Morons:
   
   "to whom this my concern i would like to find outabout the grants. i would like to start my own bisnisss."
   
   Capitalisation? Punctuation? Spaces? Spelling? Jesus funking H Christ, I'd give up now before you do yourself an injury, Sue. What were you dreaming of being anyway? A secretary? Maybe a lawyer? Or with a steady hand like that perhaps a brain surgeon. I'll give you a grant to go back to school AND to buy yourself a dictionary!

I love it really :) I miss you lot though, 'cos I can't surf/blog so easily at work. Hope to be back after Friday.

Oh, and why oh why do they break the radio football coverage to bring us the horse racing? Don't you just hate that? What if Mexico or Portugal had scored another whilst we were listening to Soviet Song romp home? They do that with the Formula 1 TV coverage to show us stupid bloody commercials and when you get back to the race you just missed some action, some spin offs!

Black Hole of Calcutta

OK, so it's probably an old colonial term and possibly not so pc these days, but I said it so there And that's where I've been since the last post (another phrase of empire) so I apologise for having not been around.

Yes, the black hole of Calcutta - a room just 10' x 20' with 2x small windows at one end, a view of tree canopies & ex-council houses, full of electric equipment, upping the temperature in the heat of the English summertime, and yet one thing draws me there day after day... it pays the bills!

Yes, it's that time of year again where I've been looking after the company office whilst the owners hop Greek Islands. It's small here, hot, hot, hot and incredibly dark, and yet that last bit is of my own volition for shunning the pallid artifical glow of man's awful invention - the fluorescent strip light.

I have forgone my design/ programming/ editorial/ research duties for temporarily pandering to the needs of the sales & marketing department and it is a strange beast. Convoluted sales techniques, smoke, mirrors... I could do this sales stuff, only I'd rather sell houses... I mean 4 grand for 4 days work... ;)

Right, that's enough for now... back into my hole I go... and then out of it later for some World Cup action v my club keeper... Shaka or England? My loyalties are divided ;)

Hope you're all doing OK, only one more week of this and I'll be free again :)

Pimp this

What you up to this weekend? Anything planned? Want a project? Got a big exhaust, tinting film with bubbles and a handful of blue LEDs?

Well how about pimping this ride...